A few days ago I was reading a blog post written by someone who was going through a rough spot in her new marriage and some of what she wrote really got me thinking. The woman wrote about how she couldn't help but have a backup plan in her marriage, how when things started going awry:
"It materialized in an instant with such clarity that I felt relief. Leaving - that I know how to do. I don’t like it and it won’t be fun, but knowing you can walk out the door in a few week’s time is empowering. I wonder if he understands this about me. I don’t think he does. He asks me where I’d go, what I’d do, as if the rhetorical is enough to scare me. I’m not worried about leaving. Leaving would be a relief."
The words that she wrote were so powerful and it really stopped me dead in my tracks. My heart broke for her and for the state of so many marriages right now.
***The following is just a few of my thoughts on marriage, in general-not this lovely girl's marriage, and is in no way a criticism of her situation or choices, so please don't take anything that I am saying as a judgment on her particular situation. ***
Yes, it may be easier to walk out the door. To turn up one's nose and pridefully walk out the door with one's head held high. But at the end of the day, pride always commeth before a fall. If I have to choose between my pride and my marriage, I pray to God that I will always choose my marriage. It doesn't always feel good to admit when I'm wrong, in fact, I will go so far as to say it never feels good to admit when I’m wrong! Sometimes it feels like I'm the only one putting effort into the relationship, but that's only my opinion, seen from my point of view, which admittedly can be quite jaded at times. I do believe that God meant for my husband and I to be together, but I also believe that that is a moot point now. Regardless of what God had intended for the husband and I before we were married, I know His plan is for us to be together now. Marriage is a covenant you make before God.
In our "no-fault divorce society, we've made it too easy to walk away, too easy to have a backup plan. In an article I read on CNN recently it talked about how "it has become too easy for people to walk away from their families and commitments without a real regard for the gravity of their decision and the consequences for other people, particularly children." Yes! Often times it feels like this no-fault concept seeps into my life no matter how hard I try to keep it at bay!
I believe very strongly in the concept of no back-up plan. Once you have a back-up plan, you’ve already got one foot out the door. I don’t believe in leaving except for in situations involving abuse. Can a marriage really deepen until you've embraced this concept of no back-up? How can a marriage take root and grow if both individuals have not fully embraced this concept?
Will Smith was quoted as saying "Divorce can't be an option. With Jada, I stood up in front of God and said, 'Til death do us part.' So there are two possible outcomes. One, we are going to be together till death, or two, I am dead" While I may not agree with Will Smith on some of his other view points, I loved this quote!
I want this concept of no back-up plan to be part of our legacy that we leave behind. I want this concept to be something that our families, friends, and future children never doubt in us. No matter the tough spots we may struggle through, at the end of the day, we’re still hanging on, to each other and to God.
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3 comments:
I honestly feel as though I could have written this post! I completely agree and have often quoted that same Will Smith quip {although I also preface it just as you did, regarding his other opinions lol!}
As a child of divorce, I still have a tumultuous relationship with my Dad. I still have to deal with the fact that ultimately, he believed HIS happiness should be obtained at all costs, including his family.
Leah, I've seen the affects of divorce hit very close to home, several times, but never so close as my own family. I'm so sorry you've had to deal with that, {{{hugs}}}. I think the article from CNN really hits the nail on the head when it talks about the affect on the kids. It's not enough to stay together for the kids, it's a reason and it's a start but my dad's parents did the whole stay together for the kids and they have a terrible relationship. And with three (nearly four) of their seven children divorced and many many issues of alcoholism etc... running rampant through some of their kids, staying together clearly didn't help!
Wow, great post. My parents divorced 6 years ago and it causes havoc in our family almost every single day; from the conversations we have to the decisions we make. I didn't speak to my Dad until about 2 years ago and am slowly trying to get past what he's done to our family. Forgiveness is HARD and although at this point I'm trying to fake it 'til I make it, I hope to get there.
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